Coach's CornerFebruary 2014
Sometimes, our girls just don’t realize that they are valued exactly as they are to Jesus — enough so that He would die for them with all their imperfections. In fact, that He created them and loves each of those little “flaws” that He promises to use for good. Sometimes discovering that Truth for themselves (with our help) is all it takes for girls to find peace with themselves. But for some precious Christian girls and girls with loving families, it still takes a lot of work to battle through. These struggles are not a sign that a girl is not a Christian. Scripture is very clear that we are not of this world, but we are IN this world. We walk through the same struggles that everyone else does. Being exempt from trials is not a promise to Christians, but having a way of escape is; having a “helper” who understands our trials is a promise and a fact.
Here are some things that we did or have heard that others do to help their daughters in this battle. We first addressed the spiritual side of this battle as briefly discussed above. We talked about Jesus’ love for them as it states in Deuteronomy 6:7 when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Pretty much all of the time, we applied scripture to the struggles they were facing. Next, we looked for other helps, such as Search for Significance for Kids. I still refer back to that book for helps with Truth like: I may wish I was thinner, or prettier, or whatever; “but if not: I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and absolutely complete in Christ.” What a valuable truth to plant deeply within our own hearts and those of our children. Once again, we write them on notecards and put them on the bathroom mirror, along with scripture like 2 Corinthians 10:12 that warns us not to compare ourselves with others. Since the world attacks our children constantly, I felt I should build up — not with false flattery — but with true, sincere words of admiration. Much of that was directed towards our daughters’ strengths of character but we also spoke much about their beauty. My girls knew that I would not lie to them. This gave them a confidence to be able to walk out of the house into their daily battles at school knowing that they looked fine. If they needed to change clothes or hair style or make-up, I gently told them. Better to hear from me than from others or than to embarrass themselves. They still battle the battles, but they have a place where they can feel totally loved and accepted.
Today, I heard a dad speak of his hopes for his daughter’s self-image. Apparently, his blog has gone viral. He has written a letter to his four year old daughter about this very topic. His name is Kelly Flanagan, if you would like to see this (www.today.com). He pointed out how important a dad is in the development of a healthy self-image. Bob was always great with his girls. He expressed how honored he was to have been given four daughters. Some countries feel daughters are a liability. In our home, we felt it was an honor and privilege. How many times our girls heard other men tell Bob that he was really in a bad situation or simply shake their heads and say “poor guy”, when they heard he had four daughters. He would smile and respond that he considered himself very lucky. My daughters still remember the one man who responded with “Four daughters! Wow, you are such a lucky man.” There were definitely times when emotions were high or drama sneaked in a little (we really were very low drama at our house), those days, he may not have known every right thing to say, but a hug and an I love you or “It will be okay,” was often the strength they needed and the love they craved. This assurance has kept them from running into every available male arms around, because they know they have Daddy’s love and approval and confidence, and they want a husband like him.